The Low Down on LDRs

By Karolyn Castaldo on October 23, 2011

So, you met someone over the summer but they don’t go to school with you, or you and your high school sweetheart are both going to school in different places. What do you do? You’ve heard that long distance relationships are hard but you really think that you two can make it work. Here are a few things to think about before rushing into an LDR.


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Is he or she someone who is worth the distance?

Generally, if you’re already dating someone, they should be worth it.  However, if it’s just a summer fling, acknowledge that, and move on. There is no point in staying tied down if you don’t see a future with this person. It will only make things complicated.

Have you done distance before?

Chances are, when you’ve already been in a long distance relationship, you will already know what to expect. Gauge your decision on how well your previous experience with an LDR was, but don’t forget that this is a new person and they may react differently to the distance than your last relationship did.

Have you talked about it extensively with him or her?

Are you thinking about staying in the relationship and they aren’t? This is a tough conversation to have but it’s necessary. If you don’t establish what you want out of the relationship, you may be thinking totally different things. If you talk and you both agree that you want to try it, great. If not, you may have some thinking to do.

If you decide that you are going to try an LDR, here are some tips on how to make it work.

Schedule Skype and phone dates

Everyone knows that college can be super hectic, so it’s important to have a well-organized schedule. Work your relationship into the schedule. Say you both have a break between classes from 12 to 3, use the time in between (if you’re not swamped with work) to have a little Skype or phone date. That way, you have time to catch up and it isn’t interfering with your busy schedule. Feel free to have impromptu Skype sessions if you get the time. If you are uncomfortable talking to them with your roommate in the room, either ask your room mate for some alone time, or find a quiet spot on campus to talk where you can have some privacy.

Plan a trip

If your boyfriend or girlfriend goes to school out of state, make plans to visit them. This doesn’t mean that you should go there every weekend or vice versa.  You need to have separate time to hang out with your own friends. However, a visit every once in a while so that you can get some much needed time together is always a nice way to subdue some of the missing you’re doing. Also, it’s a great time for them to meet your friends!

Don’t let your relationship dictate how you enjoy your time at college

Most importantly, make sure your college experience is everything you’ve ever hoped it’d be. While this doesn’t mean you should completely disregard your relationship, don’t miss out on everything that college has to offer just so you can   talk to your significant other. Your boyfriend or girlfriend should understand that you need to have fun and you can’t always be in constant communication.

All in all, do what works best for you. Relationships and college are about having fun and sometimes LDRs can get way too stressful. If you find someone that’s worth the effort, stick with it!

I'm an East Coast girl experiencing life in the West. I love skiing, reading, and writing and I am always down for a big bowl of pasta.

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